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Freedom Yonce Shelton Lectionary Readings: Amos 7: 7-15 Prayer of the Day (the Jesus Prayer): I have had a biblical passage on my heart and mind for the last month or so. It’s from the epilogue of John’s gospel where Jesus says: In truth I tell you, when you were young you gird your own belt and you walked where you liked; but when you grow old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will put a rope around you and take you where you would rather not go. (21:18) I have been praying about this passage because of how Ronald Rolheiser frames it in The Holy Longing. (One of the best books on spirituality I have read.) He argues that our baptism is a rope that “takes us to where we would rather not go, namely, into that suffering that produces maturity.” He believes the “Church puts a rope around us, takes away our freedom, and takes us where we would rather not, but should, go.” Finally, he stresses that “[t]he conscriptive demands of that baptism is, to the extent that we have any, what has given us maturity and grace.” (p. 122-26) Essentially I have been thinking about freedom, and trying to do so from a Christian perspective. What is the difference between being free from and free for? Should freedom be an exhilarating, liberating experience – or should it provide focus and direction and help define responsibility? Is it about having or giving up? And who decides all this for me? What does choice look like in this equation? For years I have claimed that choice is suffocating me, not making me free. What do I do about that? Those are the questions, and I don’t have many answers. But today’s gospel helps. The passage from Mark says that “Herod feared John, knowing that he was a righteous and holy man, and he protected him. When he heard him, he was greatly perplexed; and yet he liked to listen to him” (6:20). Our relationship with God can be like that. Confused and fearful, yet knowing we want to be with God and hear more. The question is how we react when a choice or commitment is necessary but we struggle with the freedom to trust and go against the grain. Later in the gospel reading, when his daughter Herodias asks Herod for John’s head, “[t]he king was deeply grieved; yet out of regard for his oaths and for the guests, he did not want to refuse her” (6:26). Here we have a king that seems unable to withdraw a commitment that will result in death because he is worried about how his guests will see him. This verse jumped at me because I read it as showing that Herod was not free. It made me pause and think about my oaths and commitments, and who I try to keep happy and impress. Rolheiser argues that a big part of the Christian life is moving through stages of maturity in which we mourn the loss of some sense of security, understanding, or identity. He says we are called to name such things, give them their due, and move on. He talks about letting death come to youth, wholeness, dreams, honeymoons, and certain ideas of God and Church (pp. 148-162). He believes we must let ourselves be blessed by the past as we move on. Unless we mourn properly our hurts, our losses, life’s unfairness, our shattered dreams, our radical inconsummation, and all the life that we once had but that has now passed us by, we will live either in an unhealthy fantasy or an ever-intensifying bitterness. (p. 163) I wonder if Herod could have progressed through a stage of life. Was it a time to reevaluate oaths that seemed so sacred? A time to reconsider how much he needed his guests’ approval? If it was and he shied away, I mourn his loss of freedom. And I wonder if I could have acted differently. I wonder if I act differently in my life. How free am I — really? To work toward freedom means to take the journey and stages seriously. We must constantly push ourselves. We must ask in a simple and direct way, as Gordon Cosby does, What is it I’m working with now? Over the past months I have been working with the “rope” passage but also with a quote. It was cited by the artist I am using for the song of the day in an article about his long life and work. On the topic of progress and creativity he quoted playwright Eugene O’Neill: “The people who succeed and do not push on to a greater failure are the spiritual middle-classers.” Every once in a while I think I have succeeded with something along my spiritual journey. Maybe I have. But that’s not the point. The point is if I am looking ahead for more challenge and growth. While I’m not sure I would say I am looking for failure, maybe in the eyes of the world I am. Jesus’ spiritual journey was one of failure from that perspective. How much can we really know about ourselves and our trust in God if we have not risked and failed? If we have not dared to name the demons and temptations and confront them? When I last preached I said I was working with the three Ps: power, prestige, and possession — and how they relate to spiritual numbness. I think I’ve made a little progress, but I still have a very long way to go. This challenge — which could be a “greater failure” if I don’t rely on the mercy of Jesus — is bound with my spiritual freedom. These temptations are directly related to whether I can be free from fear to be free for God. Herod’s actions might have been different if fear of John, others, and oaths wasn’t such a big part of his life. I’m guessing the three Ps played a role in his struggles. But for followers of Jesus Christ freedom is enlightenment. Being free for God makes us free for others. The Church allows us to be OK with that rope that takes us places we might want to avoid. My heart tells me that it’s in those places, in the here and now, in the flesh and blood, that we become free. Free to live and free to trust in a different kind of enlightenment, which will come with the new kingdom. It is grace to have an inkling of what this means. As I saw it written recently, “the grace to grasp grace is grace” (Brennan Manning, Abba’s Child, p. 11). The mystery of freedom remains. I question my own freedom — my ability to lose in order to gain. I question success and failure. But I do not question God’s love for me and His mercy. So after all these words and intellectual musings, I return to simply offering myself and my questions to the One who wants me to be free. Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner. Amen. Song of the Day: Me and Bobby McGee by Kris Kristofferson Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train I pulled my harpoon out of my dirty red bandanna, Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose, From the Kentucky coal mines to the California sun, One day up near Salinas, I let him slip away, Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose, Lord, I’m calling my lover, calling my man,
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